So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
