is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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