i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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