it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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