I'm eating all of the evidence.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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