my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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