why didn't you poke me back
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you traded sex for a burrito?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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