hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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