Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You ruined the universe
Randomize