True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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