i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
