yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
