This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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