dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
