I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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