I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
