I look better un-naked...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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