I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
