Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
