Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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