Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
