just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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