we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
