are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
