I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
