Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
