Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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