id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
