and she was petting her beer can
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
