Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
