Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
