peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
