Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
