Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
