and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
