WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
