hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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