This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
