You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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