You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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