It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
