My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
