he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
