there's paper in my vomit.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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