i don't like sucking hair
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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