We're facebook friends in real life
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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