lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
