I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
