I'm so fucking centered right now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
