I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
