I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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