Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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