There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
