I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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