the condom got lost in my hair
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
