Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
