Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
