I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize