Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
