He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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