so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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