I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
