If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
