rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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