Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize