I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
