and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
