He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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