I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
