Your dad touched me again.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
