well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
