I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
