I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
